I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
