I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize