i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You are a booty call, not a friend.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
