Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
