she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
