You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
