you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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