by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
