Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
