my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
