just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
