i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize