Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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