How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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