Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Randomize
