The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
