i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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