Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
