Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
