White coat. Heels.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
