Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
