Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
