Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
