She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize