Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
