you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
