plz talk dirty to me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
