So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
