She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
