Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
