i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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