You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
