Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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