Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
