Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
now i know why i became what i already was.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
