i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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