My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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