I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
