I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
