I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
