Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
nutella sex= disaster
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
