Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
