Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
