I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
