matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
