i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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