u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
In America we eat man semen.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
