What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
