we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize