It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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