my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
