if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I see more hoeing in ur future
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