they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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