I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
