people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
