Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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