I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
