Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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