Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize