I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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