Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
soo... how was my night?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
