you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
