Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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