is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
