Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
