And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
