she looked like the before picture.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize