She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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