i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize