i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
